Guys Night Out
by Chailain
Summary: The six main characters from SD3 are travelling together, and the men are sick of it.
1. An Apology

Guys Night Out: An Apology

As spoken by The Six Dollar Western Burger: Barbecue sauce, Bacon, and Onionboy.

(......yeah, yeah, it's still Chailain)

Hey, kids! It's me! Chailain! I was just cruisin' around the Internet, you know, doin' mah thang......uhm........anyways, yeah, and I thought to myself, I thought, 'Hey.....remember that thing you wrote like, over a year ago? On that one place? And people liked it? I wonder if that's still there, that was FUN!'

So I heads on over to the ol' Fanfiction.net, and looks it up, and I says to myself, I says 'Wow......people really DID like this.'

...

Okay, enough with all that. First things first: I had no idea that people enjoyed this thing. Half the reviews I read were from friends, so I figgered they were just being nice. But then I started noticing that strangers were giving it good reviews. And then I noticed one comment, it said something along the lines of 'You have no idea how many people have this in their favorite pieces list'.

Wow.

I know, I know, I've been gone most of the year, but, dammit! I'ma start this thing up again! I got it in me!

Expect Chapter Three by the end of tonight!

Ah, thank youuuu.......

~Chailain


	2. Headin' Back

Guys Night Out: Part One

as told by The Special Delivery Onionboy

(........fine, it's by Chailain.)

_Quietly.......quietly.....almost there....._

He tried to ignore the lurching feeling in his stomach. Hell, he was amazed that he was still standing after a night like that. Never in his life had he drank so much. It literally felt like his insides had been pickled. But he couldn't concern himself with that right now. What mattered now was getting back to his room before anyone noticed. His training had taught him to keep that kind of thing under control....but with the world spinning around you, it's kind of tough to keep your training in mind.

__

Carlie wouldn't mind so much, I suppose. She is just a little girl, after all. But Riesz and Angela......well, Angela's got that god-forsaken stick she's constantly thumping us all with, and Riesz......she's frosty enough as it is. No need to get her any colder.

He crept along the hallway of the inn, careful not to bump in to anything along the way. It had taken way too much effort to get back in here without alerting anyone to the fact that he was gone. Kevin and Duran had enough sense to come through the front door.

_And they made it back alright. You're a genius, Hawk. A bloody genius._

He and Kevin were sharing a room on the third floor, much to his discontent. Kevin was quite possibly the most foul smelling being he had ever come in contact with. Heart of gold, of course, but that didn't change the fact that those god forsaken man eating flowers wilted every time he was around.

_Alright, third door on the left. Almost there...._

He quickly delved into his pocket and snatched the room key. Granted, he could have just as easily picked the lock. But that would have taken time that he really didn't have at the moment. So he went about it the old fashion way: Turn and push.

The locked clicked and the door swung open.

_Home free, baby._

"Hello there, Hawk." greeted the blonde woman sitting on his bed.

"Did you have a good time tonight?" inquired the purple haired woman on the chair in the middle of the room.

Kevin was standing in the corner. "Sorry, Hawk." was his muffled greeting.

_.....ah, hell._

Hawk simply blinked, stepped back outside, swallowed hard, and shut the door.

***

"Should we go after him?" asked Angela, playing with her hair.

Riesz considered it for a moment, then shook her head. "No. A night out on the street will do him good. And we can always catch up to him in the morning."

"I guess." said Angela as she stepped over to a polished silver mirror standing across the room.

"Can I sit now?" whimpered Kevin.

"No.", Riesz said sternly. "You can keep standing in the corner until you tell us what you three were up to."

"But they say I can't tell!" moaned Kevin, still facing the wall.

"Well, then, you'll just have to stand. But if you don't tell us soon, Angela will make it so you'll never be able to sit down again." replied Riesz. Angela just smirked as she reached for her staff sitting against the wall next to the mirror.

Kevin gulped and whimpered "What.....what she do?"

Riesz quirked an eyebrow at him. "Do you really have to ask, Kevin?"

"N....no. I...I guess I tell you."

"That's good," smiled Riesz. "You can turn around now."

Kevin shifted on his heel and turned to face the two women, a look of stark terror painted across his face.

"Well, Hawk have idea while two of you out shopping with Carlie...."

***

"DAMMIT ALL TO HELL!" roared Duran as he slammed the door behind him. Hawk and Kevin jumped, startled.

"Gah! You scare me!" whispered Kevin.

".....I think you broke the door." stated Hawk as he sat on the bed polishing his knives.

"Aw, who the hell cares?" muttered Duran as he sat down on the bed. "It's not as if those two women wouldn't have done it anyways. I'm sick of 'em! Constantly barging in, demanding what I'm doing, waking us up at the ass crack of dawn to head out again, and then expecting us to keep traveling till the sun goes bloody down!"

"Simmer down." said Hawk. "It's not so bad. I mean, they are a couple of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. Don't get me wrong, I love Jessica madly, but I wouldn't mind sharing a bed with either of those dames....or both......"

"Hawk!" shouted Kevin in disbelief. "Don't talk about Riesz and Angela that way! That gross!"

"Gross to you, maybe, beastie-boy, but I'm telling you, I would give almost anything to have one last fling with those two ladies before I get married to Jess."

Kevin punched him in the shoulder. "You a pervert, Hawk." Hawk just smirked and went back to polishing his blades.

"Yeah, well, personally, I don't think I could get far enough away from them" muttered Duran. "Angela's already whipped me in the back of the knee five times today with that goddam stick of hers, and Riesz barely even speaks to anyone but Angela or Carlie, unless it's to scold.....or mock." he added as an afterthought.

Hawk rolled his eyes and sheathed his daggers, then stood up and turned around to face the two.

"You guys are pathetic, I swear. I tell you what: We'll go out tonight, the three of us. No staff whips, no frosty reprimands, just the three of us with a full purse of money and heads full of beer and women. How 'bout that?"

Kevin and Duran just stared up at him blankly.

"We'll catch hell for that."

"We not do that. We get in in trouble."

Hawk threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.

"Aw, COME ON! You, Duran, you've spent you're entire bloody life living in the shadow of your father, every single minute of your spare time has been spent training so that you could someday be considered his equal. You've barely had a chance to LIVE, man! I'll be surprised if you've ever even kissed a girl. Or been drunk. Or both!"

Duran shifted uncomfortably.

"Well....there was this one time on a feast day that Auntie Stella let me drink a glass of wine....."

Hawk just stared at him.

"And you, Kevin. You play with that damn dog way too much. And when you're not playing with it, you're training to fight. Even though you hate fighting. Now, am I the only one who thinks that that sounds just a wee bit screwed up?"

Kevin looked up at him with watery eyes.

"Don't you talk about Karl that way! Karl good dog! Him no mother, just like me! We best friends!"

Hawk shook his head.

"No, no. Karl is a dog. A dead dog, kiddo. Now, it's alright to mourn him, I know it was a terrible way to go, but you gotta get over it at some point. Come on, it's been months now. Don't you wanna have fun again?"

Kevin stared at his feet, rubbing them on the rug.

"Kevin do like fun.....but.....Riesz and Angela be mad!"

"Yeah, Hawk. We will catch bloody hell for this."

Hawk simply licked his lips and smiled.

"Not if I have anything to do with it. Here's how it'll work..."

***

"And that how it happened, I swear."

Angela and Riesz looked at each other for a moment, then back up to Kevin.

".....did he really say those things about us?" inquired Angela.

"I'm gonna kill him. I swear to the gods, I'm going to rip him to pieces." Riesz was fuming. "How could he SAY something like that? When we find him, Angela, be sure to set his pants on fire."

"I know, I know. I think it's kind of flattering, really. I guess you never really had any guys look at you like that before, eh Riesz? Being in such a position of authority and all.....not to mention the fact that the only man in that entire palace of yours was your father......." Angela cut herself off at a menacing look from Riesz.

"I'll have you know, you scantily clad hussy, that I've courted many a man in my years." Riesz replied frostily.

"Oh, in your years? Please, you're barely older than I am. I bet you can't name one man that you've kissed."

"Oh yeah? You think I haven't ever been kissed? Well, I'll have you know that Eliot gives me a kiss on the cheek every night before he goes to bed."

Angela quirked her lips, trying to suppress the gales of laughter that threatened to consume her.

"Oh, Eliot? Yes, that five year old little brother of yours is quite the charmer. On the cheek? My, GODS, Riesz! You're a wild one!"

Riesz just stared back at Angela, cold fury consuming her. _I'll get you for that. Just you wait and see. _".....that's not important right now. What's important is finding the other two. Duran isn't exactly on my good side, either."

With that, she lightly stepped out of the room to fetch her things.

"Wake Carlie on your way out, Angela. Don't tell her what's going on. She idolizes Kevin, though the gods only know why....."

Angela nodded to herself and turned around to face Kevin, who was still whimpering in the corner.

"Oh, honestly, Kevin, you're not in that much trouble. Not nearly as much as the other two. Now, now, c'mere, sit down, I won't hurt you...."

Kevin sniffed loudly and moaned "You promise? You promise not hurt me?"

Angela rolled her eyes and nodded. 

"I won't hurt you, Kev, I promise. Just come sit down."

Kevin turned around slowly and shuffled up to the bed, sniffling loudly. He sat down and hung his head in shame. Angela proceeded to baff him in the back of the head with her staff.

"What the hell were you thinking, letting them talk you into something like that? Honestly, Kevin, I thought you had more sense! Are all men this stupid? Huh? Huh? Speak up!"

By this point Kevin was full out bawling.

"I sorry! I didn't want to go, I so sorry!"

He burst out of the room crying. Angela flopped back on the bed chuckling. _That one broke easily enough. Now we'll just have to tame that swordsman. And, of course, our wild Hawk._ She sighed and flipped backwards off the bed to head out and collect her things. _A woman's work....._

To be continued.....


	3. Headin' Out

Guys Night Out: Part Two

As told by Your Friendly Neighborhood Onionboy

(.......ok, Chailain, fine, whatever.)

Hawk tried to be silent as he crept back out of the inn, but it was tough. He'd faced more evil in the past months than most did in their entire lifetimes. Red Mages, crazy assed clowns, a haunted ship, cursed necklaces, the life of his girlfriend endangered by a woman he could only bring himself to refer to as 'The Bitch', and countless situations where he knew he wouldn't be coming back alive. And with all that behind him, he was certain that he had never been so terrified in his life.

_Stay cool, Hawk. They won't be able to find you. And they sure as hell won't leave without you. I'll just stay in hiding for a few days till things cool down.....and then buy them some roses. Yeah, roses. Maybe sing 'em a song, too........gah!_

Next thing he knew, he was down on the ground. He had tripped over a rather large object lying in the middle of the hallway. Muttering a curse to himself, he stood up and dusted himself off.

_....waitaminit....did that thing just move?_

The 'object' rolled over, moaning.

_......oh, GODS, it's Duran._

The rough and tumble swordsman was lying on the ground in a pool of his own vomit, moaning like a baby.

"Duran!" Hawk whispered fiercely. "Duran, wake up! Wake your ass up, Duran, we gotta go!"

"eh......wha? Urp....."

_I don't believe this......_

Hawk proceeded to unsheath one of his knives. Looking down at Duran, he muttered "Sorry, buddy, but we gotta go." and nicked his ear.

"SONOFABITCH!" roared Duran, but he was cut off by Hawks hand around his mouth.

"It's me, it's me, calm down you lummox. Now....I'm gonna let go of your mouth. You have to stay absolutely silent. Riesz and Angela are after us. Do you remember who Riesz and Angela are? Well, it doesn't matter if you do or not, because they remember you, and they remember me, and right now it is not a good time for either of us to be remembered by anyone. You got that?"

Duran just grumbled as he shakily stood up.

"...course I 'member who they are. Two'a the best....urp....lookin' women I ever seen....eh...woah..."

Duran nearly toppled over, but Hawk caught him in time.

"Quit doin' that, Hawk. I ain't a baby, I can handle myself."

Hawk smirked in the dark.

"Oh, you ain't a baby, are ya? I just found you unconscious in this hallway, wallowing in your own regurgitated fluids. After two drinks. I mean, damn, Duran, I've seen three year olds hold down more than that. I'm disappointed."

Duran just sputtered drunkenly, swaying back and forth. Hawk caught him by the arm and gently led him out of the inn, breathing a huge sigh of relief as he dragged the swordsman out into the street.

"Ok, first things first," Hawk thought out loud, "we gotta find a place to stay tonight. Any ideas?"

"...uhm.....who are you again?"

Hawk stood perfectly still, licking his lips, then calmly turned around and backhanded Duran, who crumpled to the ground.

_This'll be a lot easier if he's unconscious. Now, we gotta find an inn._

Hawk grabbed the warrior by his hair and dragged him off down the street.

***

Angela tried to keep quiet as she tiptoed into Carlie's room. Unlike certain Amazons she knew, Angela actually had some compassion in her. Riesz would have simply stormed into the room, picked Carlie up out of the bed, and dragged her out the door.

She gently stepped over to her bed and nudged the small girl gently. "Carlie? Carlie, wake up sweety, we gotta leave."

Carlie moaned and rolled over, rubbing her eyes and blinking in the dimly lit room. "Angela? Is that you? Why do we gotta leave? I'm tired...."

Angela smiled gently. "We have to go find Hawk."

Carlie's eyes widened in amazement. "But...but....why did Hawk leave? Does he not like us anymore?"

Angela noticed the girls eyes welling up with tears, and held her close, stroking her hair.

"No, no, no, honey. He's just playing a little game of hide-and-seek with us, that's all. We'll find him, don't worry. I know he wouldn't leave us, especially not you. In fact.....," Angela whispered to Carlie, "I hear he has a little bit of a crush on you."

_Hey, anything to make her feel better, right?_ Angela thought to herself.

Carlie glanced up at her, eyes big and bright.

"Really? He said that?"

Angela nodded slowly.

"Yeeup. He said he thought you were the prettiest out of all of us. And definitely the cutest."

Carlie jumped out of bed, bouncing around the room.

"Hawk looooves me, Hawk loooooves me! And I love him! And I'm gonna marry him, and we're gonna have a house, and I'm gonna make him pies! Lots and lots of pies! 'cause Hawk loooooooves Carlie! Yaaaaay!"

Right then, Riesz busted down the door with her spear.

"Will the two of you shutup and pack! We gotta find that bastard NOW!"

Angela rolled her eyes, and Riesz stalked out mumbling under her breath. Carlie had stopped flying around the room, and looked up at Angela with those big eyes of hers again.

"Angela, what's wrong with Riesz? She's mad at Carlie!"

Angela glanced at the girl and shook her head.

"No, no, she's not. She just...ah...REALLY wants to beat Hawk at hide-and-seek!"

"Yaaaaaay!"


	4. Headin' For The Infirmary

Guys Night Out: Part Three

As told by Funyunboi.

(....I want a Funyun........)

__

....mmm.....Jessica.........not here, we'll get......mmm........

Hawk smiled, his eyes closed. He turned and pulled his beautiful one closer to him, lost in the sweet bliss that was 'Jessica'. He pondered to himself how he ever could have thought of another woman, how there ever could have been ANYONE else, even BEFORE he met her. He loved her, that much he knew. That ALONE he knew. He leaned forward, locking lips with her, and felt her arm fall heavy against his side.

__

......have you been working out, Jess?....

....I love you, Jess.........

....I'm so alone without you.....

"I wuz lonely buhfor yoo, baybuh."

__

....I know.........

...

.....Jess, is there something in your mouth? You're talking funny.....

"I ates your bread, sorry. I always talk dis ways, though. Gimme 'nuther kiss, pretty li'l boy...."

__

...

Hawk's eyes fluttered opened.

Hawk screamed.

"DAMMIT! DAMN YOU!"

"Aw, coom on, baybuh..."

"THERE ARE TWO BEDS IN THIS CELL! ONE FOR ME, AND ONE FOR YOU!"

He dashed towards the bars.

"GUARD! GUUUAAAAAAARRRRRD!"

Hawk started as he heard something rustling behind him, and flipped around, his back to the bars.

"You! You just......you just STAY THERE, Bubba! STAY! STAY!"

His large cellmate froze, staring at him. Hawk waited, staring down the large man, before slowly turning back towards the bars.

"GUARD! GUARD, DAMMIT, GET OVER HERE!"

He whipped back around to face Bubba, praying to whatever would hear him that the guard would show up. Soon. Bubba was still frozen in place.

Hawk had only been in the cell a few hours, but in that brief amount of time, he had let his guard down and fallen asleep on numerous occasions, always to the same result: Bubba would, without fail, remove his clothes and climb in bed with Hawk, brushing his hair and ultimately trying to.....well.........

Hawk licked his lips nervously, and banged on the bars some more.

__

....fat assed, donut munchin'.........

"GUAAARRRRRRD! HE'S DOING IT AGAIN!"

***

Captain Maplan, the man who Hawk incessantly (and, as far as the Captain was concerned, incorrectly) referred to as 'Guard', was asleep at his desk, having, in fact, munched far too many donuts that day.

***

Hawk kept his stare level and strong, trying to conceal the growing panic in him. He had learned that his cell mate, Bubba, was, in essence, nothing more than a big, dumb, amorous rabbit. If you could hold his gaze, he wouldn't move a muscle.

__

.....Duran, I swear to you, if I ever get out of this place, the very first thing I'm going to do is get you drunk again and throw you in this cell to rot.

***

Captain Maplan groaned, and belched quite loudly, waking himself in the process. He sniffed the air, smelling something faintly akin to bacon, before shaking his head and staring down at his desk.

Captain Maplan was the head of a small contingent of guards that kept the peace in this sleepy little town. And it was just that: A sleepy, LITTLE town. He hadn't met quota in months, half the residents of the town agreed that the guards weren't even needed.

But tonight, tonight, TONIGHT! Captain Maplan himself had apprehended a dangerous criminal! A murderer!

Well, an attempted murderer, anyways. This was a story he would be telling his grandchildren, and that they would tell their grandchildren!

He settled back in his chair, and reviewed his report:

__

2:30 AM, Mana Standard Time.

Tonight, I, with the assistance of my town Guard, apprehended an attempted murderer, by the name of Hawkeye of Navarre. Mr. Hawkeye was found in the middle of the street, bludgeoning another young man, a Duran of Forcena, with the hilt of a long, narrow dagger, owned by Mr. Hawkeye. Upon apprehension, Mr. Hawkeye denied any intent to murder, 'informing' us that he was a friend of Mr. Duran, and that Mr. Duran, in a drunken stupor, had attempted to 'attack' the local......pub. When asked as to how one may attack a building, Mr. Hawkeye replied, rather ashamed, that 'Duran thought it was a dragon.'

Mr. Hawkeye was taken into custody, and Mr. Duran, who appeared quite disheveled and drunken, was released to the local hospital, where the dedicated nursing staff is attempting to relieve the pain of his head wounds.

Mr. Hawkeye is being held on charges of assault and attempted murder.

My personal opinion on the two 'gentlemen' involved? Mr. Hawkeye hails from Navarre, a dangerous land, so it is quite safe to say that he has already murdered several hundred innocents in cold blood.

Mr. Duran seems to be nothing more than your standard transient. The nursing staff will treat him and send him on his way with some candy and a 'Junior Doctor' sticker.

***

To be continued.....again.....as usual.

__


End file.
